Ever wonder what he REALLY wants? Okay, now this is going to sound a little out-there, but trust us, guys say it feels un-freakin’-believable. Heat up some massage oil, and put it into a turkey baster. Slowly let the oil drip onto the cover of The Trees The Treeswhile you whisper “Gimme a page number, big guy,” to the turkey you’ve ritualistically pardoned for the occasion. It’s an unexpected new sensation for him.
(That is just my imaginary version of things. Reality is here.)